


When Hope returns, and Fate steps in.

by Duel_lady



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-09-16
Packaged: 2018-04-18 03:31:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4690523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Duel_lady/pseuds/Duel_lady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fenris has taken a leave of absence from Kirkwall.  Almost 4 years to be exact.<br/>This one is my favorite and i hope that it will become one of yours. THis was the first one i wrote, and haved a large number of chapters to it, while adding ot it here and there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 4 Years of Lonely

As she stood at the back of Anders Clinic, Kirsten Hawk chewed a nervous lip as she stared at the Elvan child wriggling in his arms. On the brink of fear and total madness, she watched pensively. He has always had weak lungs, but Maker the coughing would not stop. His little lungs causing the gasping night after night, then the wheezing threw the day. Something had to be done. Her Magic did not extend as far into the healing realm as Anders, and she knew it. But still she held off as long as she could.  
He was talking the young one in a low soothing voice as he ran a steady hand over the child’s chest and stomach, she watched curiously as he reached his other arm around and placed a strategic tickle on its left rib as his magic wrapped around the right side. She sees now what he is doing, It’s a distraction, She though And with a Nod and a smile she goes over to Anders letting out a slow, but relieved sigh as she reached for her son.  
“Mommy it doesn’t hurt no more!" He exclaims taking deep breaths in and out like he had never taken a full breath in his little life. Big happy green eyes looked up at his mother; she brushes a strand of snowy white hair from his eyes. Always her brave little warrior... Just like..... Her thoughts linger ever so briefly...  
“I know my little Prince. Isn’t it wonderful? Did you say Thank you to Anders?" She says smiling at him. Trying to shake the image of the other elf from her mind.  
He turns to Anders, who has a very amused look on his face, wrapping little slender Elvan arms around his neck.  
“Thank you, Uncle Anders” Then placing a very sloppy kiss on the man’s stubble cheek giggling because it tickles his nose.  
Anders Laughs and takes him back onto his arms and embraces him tightly.  
“You are most welcome, Little One; let’s not give mommy any more scares, huh?" He runs a playful hand threw the mop of snowy white hair to ruffle it. Even after almost four years he still can’t bring himself to call him by his name. It hurts to bad. He will love this child, and his identical sister. As he loved his mother, but not the namesake from which he was born. Remembering who the boy’s father was he turns to Kirsten setting the child down.  
“Kirsten, have you ... yam know, seen or heard from HIM." and looks purposefully at the boy.  
“No, besides me, Fenny and Fay are doing just fine without him. They are asking more and more about him thou. Mothers do it all the time Anders."  
“I just don’t like the thought of him having no man to look to, no Figure of a father to consider. Makers, it’s just not natural!" He says to her shaking his head.  
"What do you mean? I have You, Varric, Sebastian, when he isn’t praying in the chantry, Carver when he isn’t on " Let’s Kill the Mages and be done with it" Kick. There are all kinds of “Father" figures in his life, why? Are you saying that if he needed to talk to a man about something, he could not ask either one of you for an answer?"  
“That is not what I mean and you know it, Hawk..... Kirsten, I have never lost the feelings I have for you, I still feel them as strongly now as I did then. Why won’t you let me love you, 3 and a half years is a long time of Lonely, believe me I know. Watching you go through this ... alone... is killing me." He risks reaching a hand to cut the side of her face and a slight whimper escapes her throat. It’s been so long since she felt the touch of a man, and knows in her heart Anders would do the job with no question, or complaint. But it’s not enough. She looks at her son who looks up at his mother with his.... Sad Puppy Eyes...  
She shakes her head, that memory haunts her every hour of every day, she hates and adores it.  
Anders sighs bringing his hand down. He knows her unspoken answer, without her even saying it. It is just as well, he knows deep down that he will only have to do the same to her later, but is it selfish of him to want to feel the love of a woman just one more time?  
Justice stirs in the back of his mind. The spirit invading his every thought, even in the most inappropriate of times. This being one of them.  
He bites back bitterly in thought. His face contorts in a manner that makes Hawke take a small step back. He doesn’t seem to notice it though.  
His voice dripping with a disgust that is old and final.  
Anders exclaims.

He feels the spirit recede into the depths of his mind. Knowing that this argument will go nowhere.  
A hand softly touching his arm brings him back. He realizes he has been silent for far too long by the worried look in her face.  
“I... I'm sorry. Justice." He says with a bashful shrug.  
“What does he want, now of all times. Maker's sake I am beginning to think he despises me as much as Templars the way he drags you back when I am around. I am sorry Anders; I will leave you to his ... thoughts." She turns to gather her satchel when he places a hand on her arm, she turns to see a pleading look in his eyes and a frown that wraps around her heart and gently tugs. “Anders?" She says sadly. Looking up into his sad honey brown eyes.  
“Please, don’t go." Maker why is he saying this, he can’t do this to her.  
“Justice doesn’t hate you, just the feelings I have for you. I lo......" He sighs sadly, and then shakes his head. “But you know that already don’t you, and still you wish for him to return. He isn’t worthy of you, or your love. Not after what he has done, or after what he has walked away from. “The last he says while looking at the little boy who is now swinging his little wooden sword around his head at nothing in particular. He is a good little boy, and he is strong, Anders sees it in his little heart, He sees that this little person is all the love that Kirsten wants now and has it in spades. “That doesn’t mean I won’t try." He pulls her in close placing his lips on hers hungrily devouring her like he is dying of a thirst that only her lips will quench, and Maker, its heaven to him. He feels her lips resist at first, and then he hears a soft whimper escape her throat as she presses into him. His hands come up to her face as he holds her there, not believing that this is actually happening but not wanting to let go of her. Wanting this to last forever, willing it with every ounce of his tainted soul.  
She can’t say it doesn’t feel good to have a man ravage her lips the way he is right now. Because it does, she actually feels her womb contract and her legs slowly turn into water as she steady’s herself by placing hands on his chest. She cannot help the groan that escapes her lips. MAKER!!! His chest was firm, and broad. She can feel the muscles pulling taught under her fingertips. There is a something to be said about a well-built man... Her hands travel up to his shoulders and her eyes roll into the back of her head for a moment, he is firm there too, and thick, under all those robes was muscularly taught man, just aching to be with her, and she knew it. Her mind slowly starts to mentally take off his clothes a moment and her mind’s eye is not disappointed. Ok Kirsten pull it together, this is ANDERS... You know, The ABOMINATION... Yes Kirstin he just cured your sons illness, being grateful is one thing but this ... whatever this is a total mother. Then she hears little clapping and a happy squeal as her son comes burying his face in her skirts tugging  
“Mommy Kisses Mommy Kisses!!! My Mommy Me!" He says rubbing his face into her skirts.  
Anders pulls back with a furious blush, did he really just ravage this child’s mother in front of him. Makers, Hess a Bad Man!  
“Of cores my love, you may have them anytime you wish it.” She places a flurry of motherly kisses all over his face, and the Image pulls at Anders Heart a bit. It is her choice; it has to be her choice. He watched the child giggle and cackle with glee at his mother’s affections. A child truly happy and content. Why did he doubt her abilities to play both roles, it is obvious she was doing them both without hesitation.  
“Kirsten, I have to attend my other patience. May I call on you later tonight?" He asks her, a hint of nervousness shades his tone.  
" I’m sorry Anders I cant tonight, Varric and Isabella are wanting to drag me to the Hanged Man and refused to take no for an answer, So Oriana is going to watch Little Fen and Fay while Mommy has a night out. You should come too! "  
“If I can I will be there, you know I’m not at my best in that place, it brings out the worst in me."  
“I See, well if you can’t come you can’t come; I guess I shall see you another time then." he watches her eyes for something and regrets it just then, she was actually sad he said no. Justice clawing at the back of his mind telling him to be strong, this work must be done! Anders knows it must be done" But Anders, Ferris does not know of the children, so he didn’t walk away from them, Just me. I have come to peace with that. But if he should return, I will not deny him is rights, even thou I have no reason to believe he will want to. He didn’t seem to be the Fatherly type."  
“Well if he takes one look at him or his sister and DOSENT fall in love or see himself in their eyes, then he is Both Blind and a Damned fool!"  
“Well you can thank the maker that it won’t happen anytime soon, Varric has been keeping an eye out and so far no signs of the elusive Elf if has been almost 4 years I do not think he will return."  
And with that she gathers her son and satchel of necessaries and does towards the secret entrance to her Estate. She had given Anders a key just for his safety, for which he was ever grateful for. And it was nice knowing that she basically had a Doctor living in her cellar, and that he could be safe if he needed to be. The latter of the two meaning more to her then the other. she wants all of her friends to be safe, but she could not safe them all at once and keep them all from harm every hour of every day. It just was not possible, but she would be damned if she wouldn’t try.


	2. Hanged man.. and what lies within

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke dons simple attire for the eve planned at the hanged man, but Varric has plans otherwise. Why in the name of Andraste would he want her to dress UP for the Hanged man

She lay on the floor with Fay playing with coloring sticks and parchment, as Merril has Fen on her lap trying to teach him some basic Elvish. She decided before they were born she wanted them to learn languages like Fenris had. When he spoke them to her it made her heart quiver with each syllable, well all except Qunari, when he spoke that it sent a cold shiver down her spine. But None the less Merril happily took to the task of teaching the children her native language. She secretly wanted to learn herself and has actually been practicing with the children when she could. The language was beautiful, and she loved how the sounds rolled across her tongue. She looks over at the clock and sighs, she doesn't want to leave tonight, she has a slight feeling of dread in her mind that she is sure that something is going to happen tonight, her hands were shaking Maker!! its just a few drinks with friends what could possibly happen.

" Ok Merril, it is time for these little ones to be off to bed. " She says as she stands scooping Fey in her arms and nuzzling her cheek with her nose, her little piggy tail of soft silver hair tickled her nose and she smiled. Fay looked at her Mommy with big green eyes and tried with great failure to stifle a yawn  
" Mommy, STORY!!!!"  
" Yes mommy STORY!!"  
She looks out the window and sees that the sun has a while before setting , she has time, and if not her companions will understand the delay.   
And just like that , as if thinking his name The Fuzzy Dwarf walks in with Bodan on his heals.  
" Did Someone say STORY!! "   
" UNCLE !!!!"The children attack him with a flurry of hugs and sloppy kisses.   
" Ok, Ok . I will tell you a story but Only if you promise to go to sleep like good little elves so mommy can come with me .Deal?"  
2 little heads bob excitedly as they make there way to the nursery. Fen jumps into his bed with a few extra bounces for measure. Fay sits up in her bed as Kirsten sit gently beside her, and pulling her onto her lap, brush in hand she tends her daughters hair as Varric begins his " Story".  
" So Little ones , have you herd the story of The Mighty Fenris, and His Hawk?"  
" Dats Daddy? Right uncle?"  
Varric smiles sweetly and nods his head to Fen.  
" Yes, my boy, this is a Tale Of your Father's bravery, for he is a Mighty warrior that great men fear and tremble before him."  
Kirsten stops the brush stroke to look at Varric with a quizical eye. Looking at her children and sighing, she nods. They should hear his story's She actually encourages it. She just hopes that someday they will get to meet him and look upon him in awe as they do when Varric spins these wild tales of there father as much as it will pain her to hear it. She allows it. She softly humms as she brings the brush to the tips of her daughters long and beautiful hair. The Silver sparkles in the fire light like diamonds in snow and it falls past her little bottem in soft waves. Kirsten silently started a simple loose braid to keep it from falling into her eyes. and wraps the end of the braid in a small blue ribbon. She then lays her down onto her bed and brings the covers up to her chin placing a soft motherly kiss on her forehead." Mother Loves you My darling Princess."  
She then goes to her son and has to make him to lay and tucks him in just the same, placing a kiss on his brow" Mothers loves you , Too, my darling Prince.  
" Hmm where to Begin. Ahh.. Once Upon a Time..." and with that she settles next to the bed as Varric spins the tales of how she had met there father, embelishing as only Varric knows. some of it brings a tear to her eye, remembering the battles and the near death experiences they had had, one in particular she was not aware of was one occasion when she had been knocked out and Fenris went into a flurry of swings and strikes felling every enemy in moments then falling to his knees to cradle her head in his lap as Anders gathered mana to heal her. Both men on verges of tears over her and no lyrium potions to help Anders faster, Fenris just sat there as he removed a gauntlet to smooth her hair out of her face softly cupping her head in his palm started talking ot her in a language that Varric did not know, and when asked about it later he would not say, what he said was for her alone. She had no memory beyond wakeing in Anders clinic with Only Anders by her side. According to Varrics tale, Fenris was there, in the corner. Watching from a distance as Anders held her for a moment expressing relief that she had woken. Little did she know that Fenris had been the one to carry her the whole way back to the clinic. and stood vigil over her body until she showed signs of waking. 5 Days he stood in that spot , denying rest until he could no longer stand and even then he only took a 3 hour nap on a cot no more then 3 meters away from her. His conditioning as a bodyguard overideing every other instinct. And denying anyone other then the few that he knew where her closest friends. Kirsten sat in stunned silence as she herd this. That happened so long before that night..that one night that changed her life forever. How did she not see that back then, after that battle she noticed Fenris shadowed her every move in battle and dodgeing infront of blows to prevent them from harming her. She didn't understand until now why he was doing that. He had feelings for her, Maybe not love like she would want to hope but something. He Felt. Varric finished with a wild wave of his hands and she looked at the children as they were fast asleep. how long had they been asleep she wondered, why did Varric finish the story. he didn't have to, she realizes. but dismisses it as fast as it came.  
" Well My dear are you ready to go?" Varric says as he makes for the door.  
" As ready as i will ever be" a half yawn escapes her lips at the last half of that statment and Varric chuckles  
" Oh No You Don't!! you are coming if i have to do so with Bianca pointed at you!"  
" WHY? For the life of me i do not understand why it is so important for me to be at the Hanged Man Tonight of all nights! Its Midweek," She said while throwing her arms in the air as if to prove some unspoken thing  
" You will just have to come and see for yourself, Is that what you are wearing?" The comment was complimented with a raised brow and a look of distaste." You have time to change ya know."  
" What is wrong with what i have on?" she looks down its a sensible outfit showing no cleavage or hugging her in anyplace sensual.  
" Come on Hawk, where is that Orleasian thing Broody got you? I know you still have it, it looks great on you matches your eyes." HIs eyes look up at her with a mirthful twinkle. He is up to something she guesses.   
" Why? Who is going to be there Varric that i need to Dress up its the HANGED MAN for Makers Sake?"  
" Oh No one you don't already know, but you have been wearing that "the Im a Mother" Attire for far to long, besides Isabella asked me to ask you to doll up a bit."  
" ALRIGHT, Give me a moment." She goes upstairs to her room and opens the wardrobe, and low and behold there it hung all by itself on the door. It was pale blue just like her eyes, and had a soft satin sash around the middle that separated the skirts from the bodice, the bodice hugged her waste and pushed her breasts making them seam more ample then she felt they really where. The skirts where layers of thin silk with a slight ruffle around the edges and they fell softly around her dainty ankles, she stepped into the dress and shivered, she had only ever worn this once, and that night was a disaster. A ball at the DeLaunces, Fenris would not go with her so she asked Carver because she dare not ask Anders to a public function for fear of a templar run in..Carver drank to much, she had her toes stomped on one to many times, and she ate something that made her stomach churn at the memory. Never Again as the maker as my Witness. But still, Why would Varric suggest this one? She had others that were sufficent. Oh well she will humor the dwarf to what end she didn't know but there it is. She finished up swiftly hefting her hair up in a twist which a few tendrils falling here and there, she put some powder on her face and a little rouge on her cheeks, then brushing on a little gloss from a ceramic pot for her lips. There, Finished. That was as Good as it was going to get for the Hanged Man.  
As she decended the an approving whistle came from Varric.  
" Got to hand it to the Elf, He has Taste. You Look Wonderful Hawk. Thank you for Humoring me with this, i promise you will be rewarded." And with that they left her Estate and headed to Lowtown, the looks on passers by a few blushes to her cheeks.  
Maybe Varric was right. Dressing up sure did manke her feel.... Something again.


	3. Wine.. women.. and .... What?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Varric gets her to the Hanged Man. Many suprizes await her there. The Attendance is Just the start of it all.  
>  some Language in this chapter with a dash of angst. I hope its not to much for you lovely readers

When she walks threw the door her breath escapes her lungs. The Hanged Man was full , wall to wall with people dressed as best as they could, banners where strung from wall to wall and small candles where floating across the celing. Table tops where covered in soft linens and food and small glasses of wine and drink filled them. She turns to Varric with eyes as big as saucers.  
" Its For you Champion of Kirkwall! Here is to You, saving our asses from fates worse then death time and time again."  
" I don't know what to say...." she looks around at all the faces, all beaming with pride at her. " .... I am honored." she says as she bows her head.  
Varric takes her to There table, the one that didn't have there names on it but everyone knew that was Their Table. and she sat in her usual spot. people started swarming her with Thanks and appreciations, some providing small gifts of thanks , some to poor could only thank her with tears in their eyes. She looks around the Table, Isabella sitting with a mug of ale and a smirk on her face, like she knows a secret and isnt going to tell. Anders next to her with a smile that dosent quite reach his eyes, Merril next to him playing with a daisy with a very seriouse look on her face. the chair next to her Varric swigging ale and spinning Tales to the eager crowd about how she single handedly slew the Varishok. and the chair next to him was empty, as it had been for almost 4 years. That was Fenris' spot and NOONE dare sit there for fear of her wrath, then next to that one Avelene and Donnic swigging ale laughing at something Varric was saying  
She hears someone clear there throat and ask if she would like a drink from the tray, she dosen't look up as her eyes are still on that chair.  
" Yes please, white w...."   
" White wine with a slice of lime." A low rumble of a voice.  
And before she could finish her order it was gently placed in her hand by a hand covered in a soft white glove. She takes a sip before something occurs to her, That voice. She turns with a whirl looking over every face near her and whom ever was there is gone, like a ghost. Isabella stifles a giggle and Varric shots her a menacing stare. What in the maker is wrong with him.   
" What's the matter Hawk? Did that sip go straight to your head? Isabella says with almost a cackle.  
" Nothing , i could have sworn i heard something." She drops her head and sighs. there is no way it could be him you silly girl. He is Gone. The faster you accept that the faster you can move on with your life.  
" What my dear? What do you think you heard?" Isabella leaning in pressing her breasts shamelessly together.  
" Nothing , it was nothing." she takes a sip of her wine and sighs. Looking around at all the people laughing and having fun, she sitting there wishing he was there with her. She goes to take a sip and peers up over the glass and there across the way, looking right at her, is her Elf. Then she blinks and he is gone. was she seeing him, or just wishing it so much that she is seeing things? She shakes her head and set her wine glass down. Yep , she's losing it.  
" Common Lovie , lets dance!!" Isabella Leaps up and grabs her hands pulling her to her feet.  
" Bella!! slow down!." At that time an old Fereldan song began to play and Anders Jumps up.  
" Oh No Bella This one is Mine!! YOU PROMISED!!!"  
" Fine Fine!! But you wasen't about to ask her someone had to!! Well Snap to Man, Get over here and take her for a Twirl!!"   
He takes a long draw from his mug then wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and makes his way to her.  
" Do you know this one? Please tell me you do. I Love this one, so lively." His face lights up brightly and beams her one of his dashing grins. How in the Maker can she say no to that.  
She smiles up at him crosses her hands in front of his wiggling her fingers for him to grab. " Oh I do, but the question is, can you keep up" And with a toss of her head they where off, side stepping left, twirling right, side step right twirl left, She had never seen Anders smile so largely in the history of there friendship. It was breath taking. This dance went on for what seamed like a day until finaly her breath could not catch up and she had to sit down.   
" Maker , when did you, how did you.. I Didn't know you could dance Anders."  
" You Never asked, my dear. but yes that among other things you do. but Maker Woman, i though you where trying to kill me with that last twist!"  
She grabs for her glass and tries for a sip but ends up in a gulp. Then realizes there is no water, only a mug of Ale in front of her as another option. so she shrugs and swigs it down. She sits there trying to catch her breath, watching Isabella standing behind Merril who is trying to dance with Anders only failing miserably. She smiles to herself, bless her heart, for a blood mage she tries so hard to be normal. After a long few moments they all come to the table to catch there breath. an a ballad begins to play. Varric stand up and nods to someone unseen. Kirsten cocks up an eyebrow turning to follow his gaze but there is no one so she doesn't say anything.   
" Comeon Hawk, its my turn. lemme Show you what a gentleman dwarf is all about." he leans in and plants a soft stubbly kiss on the back of her hand.  
She fake's being flustered fanning herself. " My My I declair Varric , i though you would never ask.." she stands up and makes her way to the dance floor, looking around at all the lovers and couples tightly embraced in this dance. Looking down at Varric he places a professional hand on her waste and clamps on hand over hers and they begin a slow motion waltz. Even thou Varric has short legs he moves almost as gracefully as her brother does, even minus the stepping on toes. Then suddenly Varric gets a smirk on his face and goes to twirl her out , only to let her go. He twirled her so fast the room spins as she lands in someone's arms, arms that wrap around her like a vice. She closes her eyes to get her bearings and realizes she is haveing a hard time breathing. That scent, she takes a deep inhale of it, she knows this scent, but from where. Her head falls to the shoulder as her head swims with images, Her memory tugs for a moment then she feels warm breath across her neck and a voice whispers into her ear. Her eyes slowly open in her view a pointed elvan ear and snowy white hair and that scent. His scent, he always smells of nature, his subtle masculine musk and of leather.   
" I am yours."   
Her breath catches in her throat unable to move. She cant even bring her head up from the shoulder she has it resting on. Her body starts to shake. This can not be. She is Dreaming. It has to be. Any moment she is going to wake in her bed have her children laying next to her , having snuck into her room at some point in the night and this will be gone. A gasp escapes her throat and betrays her silence. The arms loosen from around her waste and she feels hands gently rest on her shoulder to softly push her back, she clamps her eyes shut not wanting everyone to see her tears, Not wanting to see this dream's face. Her bottem lip quivers as a gently hand comes to her chin to tilt her face up slightly. A soft low wimper escapes her lips.  
" Hush, my darling. If you would but open your eyes so i can look into them once more."  
Her hands come to her face to wipe away tears that had yet to fall, and she slowly opens her eyes. MAKER, Its HIM!!. But he has changed some. His hair is longer slightly, his body, Maker his body! His muscles where more massive and defined. His lean body still there but with more mass to it. Her eyes are traveling up him slowly wait she looks down, he is wearing shoes......... his hands ... gloves......Her head snaps up and there they are ... The Puppy Eyes!.  
" Fenris." His name comes from her lips in a half sob half gasp as she wraps her arms around his neck pulling him down there lips meet and it is electric, every nerve ending in her body is on Fire with it, she loved it. He parts his lips as she delves into his mouth with her tongue shamelessly aware they are in the middle of the Hanged Man and everyone is looking at them. She Didn't care, He was back, and he was in her arms, and he felt so good. Her Fenris.   
Then suddenly someone whistles and the room starts clapping. Bringing her mind back to reality. Her eyes fly open as he pulls back with a chuckle. Wrapping his arms around her waist. They are both blushing to their ears as he leans his forehead against hers and smiles.  
" There is so much I need to tell you, I do not even know where to begin.... , I am a fool. I was scared and did not know what to do, I did not want to burden you with my sorrows as I knew you had many of your own. I promise, if you will forgive me I swear to you as everyone in this room as my witness I will spend the rest of my life making amends for leaving you that night. I Know I do not deserve your forgiveness, but I would be wrong if I did not say I desire it more then the beat of my own heart."  
"Fenris, You can not know how much it hurt to see you walk out my door that night, but I mended, as much as I could. and I wont lie there have been some things that were not easy to handle alone, but handle them I did , with the help of very good friends." She looks over at the table to a heartbroken Anders. He hates Fenris, there is no denying that, but seeing her with Fenris must be hurting him beyond measure. and she frowns. Fenris turns to the direction of her gaze and sighs sadly.  
" I See, it seams i am to late. Command me to go and I shall, you will never have to look upon my face again." He drops his head and his shoulders slump, all the joy in his heart being crushed every moment she is silent. Her hand goes on his cheek caressing it in a palm so tenderly he almost could not feel her touch.  
" Don't Go! Please, I have been waiting for you for so long. I have had no one else, want no one else, but I can not lie to you and say that no one has tried to share there heart with me to help my heart heal. Anders has done nothing wrong, He was holding onto a woman that wouldn't let go of a Man that walked away with out a word. It just pains me to see him ache now, he knows how I felt and knew my choice, I have waiting almost 4 years for you and would wait 40 more, if only to glimpse into your eyes one more time. To touch your skin one more time." her fingertips graze so softly on his cheek." To kiss you one last time." she places her lips on his and kisses him deeply. " And now that you are here, my heart dosen't need to mend anymore. It is whole."  
Anders stands up and walks over to them, placing himself straight in front of Fenris to look him in his eyes meeting him squarely. Not daring to lay a hand on him at this moment.  
" I swear by the Maker, Andraste, and her bloody fucking Knickers, if you hurt her again I will make the lyrium being branded into your flesh feel like a warm embrace from a long time lover, Maker Help Me Fenris! You do not deserve her or her forgivness, But it would seam you have it, you have not been here for her hardships" Anders sees her start to panic and he remembers Fenris does not yet know he is a father, he will not do that to her, but he wants this fool of an elf to realize the pain she has gone threw. Rage is setting in as Justice is in the back of his mind shouting at him with I Told you so's. enough to make him cringe inwardly" There was far more hurt put upon her heart then any physical blow could cause. If you So much as think about walking out on her again, So Help Me Maker I WILL track You down, I will bring you back to awnser for it, but not before i break every bone in your body, Heal it , and Do it again until my desire for your suffering has been sated. Do you Understand me.... ELF!  
Anders braced himself because Fenris never likes it when Anders stood up to him, always poked fun at him for his choices, and degraded him at at every turn. What came out of Fenris' Mouth however was something Anders could not have possibly braced himself for.  
"Yes, Anders, I understand. I would exspect nothing less from you, you have been a good friend to her in my absence and for that I am greatful, so greatful I will forget that you tried to slip into my place in her heart, But know this now, Anders. I do not desire a fightl with you or fight against you for her efections. She made her choice, Honor it as of now and any debt between us will be forfeit.  
Anders stood there for a moment, resisting the urge to grab Fenris and shake him and ask him who this Elf was and what they did to the Brooding Fenris....Then he looks at Fenris' face and that Brooding look was starting to surface, more then likely due to the Delay in his reply.  
Looking at Kirsten, he asks" If this what you want? Will this make you happy?"  
Both men looked at her for her reply,   
" Yes Anders, You know This is what I have always wanted." She takes one of Fenris' Gloved hands, smiles as she removes the glove then lacing her fingers into his , feeling his skin against hers makes her smile a bright and true smile." You know I have more then one reason for this Anders, Forgive me. I Did not mean to give you false hope, but you know this is what i desire above all else." She steps into Fenris' arms and nuzzles his neck, still afraid its a Dream. and sighs as he wraps his arms protectivly around her placeing a soft kiss to her forehead.  
" So be it, if that is your wish, just know i am here if you should have ..... need... of me." His silent pause does not go unnoticed to Fenris, and as he does not understand he smirks  
" I am more then capable of tending to her ... Needs, now Be gone!"   
He looks at Kirsten nestled under Fenris' chin and she mouths thank you and nods. And with that Anders turns grabbing the first mug of what ever he could grab and swallows it down.  
" What's everyone Lookin at , Isnt this supposed to be a PARTY!." Anders says with as much enthusiasim as a broken hearted man could muster, and just like that the band strikes back and begins to play.  
" There is so much to tell you Fenris, i do not know where to begin."  
He places a fingertip on her lips. to hush her.  
" The Only thing i desire to hear right now is your moans as I pleasure you within an inch of your sanity. It has been far to long since I have been able to touch you, and I wish to touch every inch of you. 4 years I have lain awake aching to return to you. I wish not to waste another moment."  
" But F....." He hushes her again.  
" I mean it." And with that he lifts her up into his arms stalks over to the table , bids them all a fine evening but insist on taking the Lady Of Honor To her Home, and play a nice game of The bad Slave and Naughty Magister and leaves it to them to figure which one would play what role.  
Everyone at the table bursts out into laugher, tears streaming down there faces.  
" A SOVERN SAYS SHE COME TO ME WITH SHACKLE MARKS ON HER WRIST!!!" Isabella Shouts at his back as he is making his way to the door.


	4. A Night.. Re-Remembered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> N.S.F.W. Alert Alert. Hawke and Fenris make it back to her estate. Uglies get bumped, and things get wet...ter.... Just sayin.

They make it to her estate with no trouble, Thank the Maker. As the front Door bursts open, she places a hushing kiss on Fenris. Batting her eyes sweetly up at him, then takes his face between her palms  
"Husssshh now, I have people that live here, let’s keep it quiet till we reach the Bedroom, please. Least we wake the household."  
With a low growl he nods and almost runs up the steps, she reaches down to turn the knob and he rushed threw only pausing long enough to push the door closed with his foot.

Clothes, There are just to many of them, she is tugging at his jacket while he is trying to undo the lacewing of her bodice. He gets to the bed and tosses her down with a huff. Looking at her, Drinking her in. Her soft blushing face, hair tasseled in a chestnut halo, and he loves the way she looks absolute debauched and they haven’t even gotten started yet. A miscevouse grin curls at his lips as the visions of what they are about to do flood his mind and swarm his senses. She reaches down to the hem of her gown and starts to slide it up her leg revealing to him inch by precious inch. He undoes the buttons of his jacket, and it falls to the floor somewhere, she sits up reaching behind her to finish untying her bodice, then it gets tossed somewhere, forgotten. He pulls off his tunic and it gets thrown and is now a vague memory. She lifts her hips and undoes the ties to her skirts and kicks them to the floor, Now clad in only her breast band, stockings and panties, She looks up at him bashfully through thick lashes, her breath coming in pants, looking at his chest, his arms, he’s reaching for his breeches, and her breath catches in her throat. She raises her hand to becon him to her, it’s been too long and this separation is killing her. He stands at edge of the bed and a wicked grin tugs at his lips. He reaches down to grab her ankle, caressing it softly in the palm of his hand then sensually slips up her leg. With one hand easing her stocking down her leg removing it to place a warm kiss on the instep of her foot, then warm breath trails up to the inside of her ankle, placing another soft kiss there. Working his way up her leg while slipping the other stocking off her other. Her thigh are thicker, fuller somehow then before, so much more to lavish kisses on, and caress with his hands. He gently starts kneading her thighs, she shifting under him, hardly keeping a breath long enough to warm in her lungs, he is driving her insane. Wasn’t that what he promised when they left the party? Then she feels a tug and hears a low ripping sound and just like that she is bare from the waist down. Her hands are gripping the sheets, not sure if she wants to back away or press into him. He urges her legs further apart spreading her out before him, then he runs his hands along the inside of her thighs leaning in to trail hot fiery kisses from the inside of her thigh to the place here he leg joins her body, nuzzling it taking a careful nip with his teeth then drags his tongue further to that sweet spot between her legs, making her arch up to him, he brings a hand to her and spreads her open to circle his tongue around that spot sending painfully sweet agony threw her entire body long sighing moan escapes her lips. His mouth working over her, running his tongue along her folds devouring her essence. It is the sweetest taste to him, pressing his mouth into her driving his tongue into her in deep steady strokes, One of his fingers finds the little bud and he grazes it lightly and smiles as her legs jerk and her body arches into him again, Maker she tastes so delicious, her scent is drowning his senses with intoxicating lust, and he feels his shaft stiffen with pleasure, straining in his smallclothes. He aches to be in her this moment but he can’t stop this feast yet, not when there is flavor yet to savor. He brings one of his hands back under his chest and places a finger at her opening. Her body is quaking with anticipation, and his touch is setting her on fire. He pulls his mouth back for a brief moment and inserts a finger into her, feeling her clench and grip his finger tightly and for a moment wonders if she will even accommodate him. A long pleading moan escapes her lips as her back arches more, she is twisting the sheets in her hands, almost painfully. Her legs tense and her breathing are coming in waves with every exhale a moan of pure, raw pleasure. He begins to probe her slowly while suckling on her nub, pressing another of his fingers to open her more almost unhinging her. She cries out keening and moaning at the sensations he is driving threw her aching wanton body. Two fingers probing her now bringing her breaths into short gasps of blessed air, he licks his fingers as he drawls them out only to slowly press them back in until he feels her start to grip his fingers as they contracting tightly around them.  
“That’s it my beautiful, Hawke. Let is come my sweet, I wish to feel it. Mmmm you taste so good Mea." He coaxes her as he probes her a little faster, suckling on her harder pushing her further and further into this abyss of pleasure. With a deep stroke pressing on her spot with his long slender fingers pressing and probing at that spot as fast as his hands can move, she lets out a loud cry as her insides contract and grip firmly his wanting fingers. Her cum soaks his fingers and he laps it up like honey. He slowly withdrawals his fingers, then slides his tongue one last time across her opening.   
Her body is still racking itself with wave after wave of her climax. Maker’s sake it’s been almost four years since she had known the touch of a man. Moments go by like an eternity of pure pleasure until she calms, like a soft rain after a hurricane. Her eyes open to seeing little sparkles in the air floating like fireflies in the heat of a summer. Her breath getting easier to manage. She lets out a soft albeit shaky sigh looking down at her torturer. His eyes looking up her body seeing her body settle from it’s enrapture.  
“Fenris." Is all she can manage as her tongue will not cooperate with her mouth to form a full sentence? He smiles and lets out a small dark chuckle as he works his way up her body. Kissing every once in a while at her moist skin now damp with her exertion. He reaches her breasts and gently cups one threw her breast band. He reaches around her to fumble with the clasp, and with a snap of his fingers it is free, and her breast are released to his awaiting mouth. Her bosom seems somewhat more ample then before, and his memory of that night is like it happened yesterday. He doesn’t understand why but he doesn’t question it, and places his mouth over a pert nipple. Suckling on it like a hungry babe. With a small smile on his lips and he pulls away from her breast coming up to her lips. Placing a deep passionate kiss on her mouth. He wants everything with her, how he could have stayed away so long pains him deeply. But soon all will be revealed, but tonight it’s not the night for answers. Tonight is for two lovers reuniting after a painful separation; now wanting each other many times over threw out the night.  
" Mmmmm, Hello gorgeous. How are you feeling now? “He places small kisses all over her face as she answers.  
“I cannot feel my legs, my body feels like it is floating on a cloud and I have the most handsome man in all of Theadus placing kisses on my face. All in All I’d say I feel pretty damn good right now. How about you?"  
“I have just pleasured the woman of my dreams, and now have her in my arms; I couldn’t be any happier right now."  
“Fenris, there is something I need to tell you." but before she can finish he places a kiss on her worried lips.  
" Shhhh hush my love, we have the rest of our days for talk, and I do not wish to hear of such things now, Now are about pleasure, and I have not finished giving you such."  
" But..this is .." He places a finger on her lips to silence her once more.  
" Not. Now. I know there is much to be said between us, but let’s not fill this night with words, but moans of pleasure and sighs of lust." He places his hand on her mound again and begins to gently rub her into lust filled frenzy. With each movement he sees her squirm and leans in to kiss her sighs, swallowing her moans as his fingers work her into another state of saturation. Taking moments to dip his finger into her releasing her moisture across her lips, getting her ready for him. He dips his head down and starts suckling her breast again; Maker is there a part of her body that does not taste like ambrosia. A few more strokes of his finger and he cannot take anymore waiting. He shifts in between her thighs nudging her legs apart with his. Reaching down to remove the last of his clothing. Now totally naked, he lays his body gently across hers, not wanting even a slip of air between them. His lips find hers again and like a starving man begin to devour her lips again. His shaft nestled against her parted thigh. Maker she doesn’t remember him being so thick and full. Will he even fit? She brings her hands up lightly to his shoulders then she lets them fall back to the bed not wanting to cause him any pain, but he rocks back on his knees and takes her hands pulling her up with him.  
“Touch me. Please, I need to feel you, all of you." He looks down at her with half lidded eyes. “You do not wish to touch me?" He wonders out loud. Mostly to him, seeing her hesitation. He looks down at his markings on his chest and takes in a shaky breath.  
“No, that is not it at all Fenris. I just... you had never permitted anyone to touch you for so long. I didn’t think that you truly wished me to...” She lifts a trembleing hand hovering over his chest. She chews on her bottom lip. Knowing that is causes him great pain. Which is why she wasn’t grasping at him, but the bed? Not wanting him to feel one moment of pain, or hurt.  
“Please Kirsten. It because of how I look isn’t it? I know I must look like a Horror to you." He looks away from her, not being able to stand the sadness in her eyes, mistaking it for something worse. Thinking that she was not pleased by the sight of him. She reaches her hand to his cheek, turning him to face her.  
“Don’t you say that Fenris, Don’t you dare. You are the most beautiful man I have ever beheld. I do not desire to pain you again; I know that is what drove you away to begin with. I know you said it was your memories, but I ..." Her eyes looking at him pleading to him. Tears brimming her eyes. “I ... i can’t... I can’t hurt you again; my heart could not take it if you left me again."  
“Maker is that what you though?" This whole times she though he left her because of her touch. A single tear leaks from his eye." That is not why I left." He wrapped her up in his arms, “I shall tell you everything soon I promise you but let’s not do this tonight. Know this thou, your touch was not the reason I left. Please..." He releases her setting her back on the bed. He reaches down taking her hand into his to place it on his chest. Her reflex was to draw back as he hissed but he places his hand over hers, mirroring her spread fingers over him, pressing her to his chest firmly holding her hand there , over his heart. There is a swirl of Lyrium there and she feels it radiate under her palm. It’s like touching a flame and an icicle at the same time, she looks up at him nervously and he opens his eyes and gazes at her with trusting eyes. He removes his hand from hers and she brings her other hand up and places it on the other side of his chest. He jerks slightly but relaxes visibly under her touch. His body is covered with these marking and despite his hatred towards them, she enjoys looking upon them, She loves them, they are part of him, how could she not, she brings her legs from around his waist to kneel before him on her knees. He watches her curiously.  
“Do you trust me Fenris? Trust that I would never harm you?"  
“I trust you with my life Mea, I always have. Why do you ask me this?"   
She looks up into his moss green eyes, looking deeply into them. “I wish to show you something. I... I learned something while you were away." She leans forward and does the one thing she though forever forbidden and now that he had willingly offered himself to her, places a kiss on one of the marking under his chin; he tips his head back to give her better access. When her lips touched his marking the pain slowly subsides as the effect spreads threw out his brands like a cool, calming balm soaking into each one like a loving embrace. Her Magic healing him of the pain he has known every day of his living memory. He gasps looking wide eyed at her when she pulls back to regard him.  
“What ...... what did you do?" His voice breathless. His brands felt like the rest of his naked flesh. No pain, no tingling sensation from her, no constant ache or burn. He felt ... nothing. He looks down at her with large watery eyes that where on the brink of spilling forth tears of pure joy.  
“I’m kissing your pain away. I am afraid to say that it won’t last forever perhaps only a few hours, but when it comes back please tell me and I shall remove it again. I spent 2 years studying this healing magic after you left and wished you would return and trust in me to try this. I hope it is working, I never want you to feel there pain again. Once I gauge how well it works I can adjust my magic so that it might last longer, but since this is the first time I only wanted to try the spell itself, it works on touch you see." She trails line of kisses down his neck to his chest as her finger tips start tracing. That touch has the same effect as her lips. He doesn’t know how to feel about this always having that constant pain they bring and to not have it now feels, strange to him. Like a mother kissing a child’s wound, she is kissing away his pain, his heart lurches in his chest at the intensity of it all. All this time away from him, and she still cares about his pain. He pulls her up from his chest and wraps her in an embrace. He has never had anyone offer to help him with his pain, and to know that she studied with her only desire being to help him was a greater gift to him than any he has ever received, tears well up in his eyes and he lets them fall as presses kisses to her shoulder.  
“I Love you so much Kirsten, I know I have never said it to you but feel it now, I Love you and I am unafraid to say it to you anymore." His tears fall freely and she feels them trail down her shoulder, she tightens her embrace and begins to cry with him.  
“I Love you too, Fenris. I always have. I hate that you have had this pain, I only wish I could have done this for you sooner." She admits softly to him.  
He gently pulls her back to look in her eyes, seeing her tears pulls at his heart and he places a kiss on her eyes, tasting the salt from her tears. Wishing she wasn’t crying but glad for it all the same. What did he ever do to deserve this wonderful woman he will never know? He may never know. He only desires to make her feel his love. And hope to come to deserve hers in return. He leans her back onto the bed kissing her on the way back. He places his hips in between her thighs placing his manhood just outside of her opening. Reaching his hand down to rub her mound once more, feeling her moisture and rubbing it across her velvet folds. She is ready for him, and he wants this as much as she does, more than anything. She wraps her legs around his waist as he positions himself with all his weight on one arm his other hand caressing her hip he gently and slowly presses himself into her. His head dips down as the tightness of her surrounds him; she squeezed around him so snuggly that if he didn’t know better he would swear she was untouched. Ever so slowly he inches into her letting her adjust to his thickness feeling her straining to accommodate him. Her legs tighten around him and her head arches back as she lets out a keening moan. She feels so good to him, her insides press all around his member tightly as he inches into her and in one swift careful stroke not being able to contain himself he buries himself into her to his hilt. He clenches his teeth to stifle a groan her tightness overwhelming his lusty desires almost ending him then and there. She starts to tremble under him; it has been so long for them. He feels like he may finish before he even starts and she is rolling her hips under him trying to get him to move, the sensations of him inside her, stretching her intimately send waves of pleasure rippling threw her body. He pulls his hips back and strokes into her as she wraps her arms around his chest moaning into his shoulder, kissing him there feeling him thicken fully inside her. He pulls back and strokes gently into her again and she gasps for air. He is so thick inside her trying to relax around him, there had been a sharp pain at first, it had been far too long since she felt the sensations he was pulling from her body wanting this to last as long as it can. Tears well up in her eyes again, not from pain, it didn’t hurt anymore. But from the raw pleasure of it all. His body clinging to hers as he begins to move inside her slightly faster. She chokes back a sob. He pulls back and sees this, pausing moment thinking he is hurting her. She only smiles at him. One of his hands coming to her cheek thumb removing a tear.  
“Don’t stop! You feel soo gooood. I love you so much. I have waited for you for sooo long. Please... “She pulls her hips back and tries to match his rhythm, swirling her hips under him. Not wanting this feeling to ever stop. This is what making love feels like, is supposed to feel like, and her heart beats faster as she begins to pant trying to hold her own control in check. She feels herself surrounding him inside her and feels every thick inch of him as he drives in and out of her.  
“I love you so much, Mea. You feel exquisite, I have missed you so. I’ll never let you go again." Bracing himself on both arms now, he drives into her over and over. He feels his climax coming on and he reaches a hand down between them rubbing her nub again lightly, wanting to feel her climax around him as he finishes. A few delicate brushes of his fingertips He feels her body start to jerk and spasm and her insides hugging his member tightly, clamping down on him like an embrace. Then she lets out another moan, and he buries himself in her hot quivering depth. Her end drives him over his edge and together the reach that peak. He wraps his arms around her and holds her there as their bodies tremble. She clings to him as her body quakes and trembles under him. He is here now, in her arms. And she never wants to let him go again. Laying there trembling they place kisses on whatever part of the other there lips fall, making muffled vows to each other to never part from one on others side. The pain of it will most defiantly kill them.


End file.
